Nicki Smith Photography

This is a personal post.  It’s lengthy and bless your heart if you get all the way through it.  I wrote it for me and if it blesses your heart, then I wrote it for you, too!

 Checking Twitter one afternoon I came across this twitter from Clary, “thinking about…http://www.fortheloveworkshop.com/”.  To which I twittered back, “wow!  That looks amazing!  I am very interested in this.”  Thus began a conversation between the two of us about attending For the Love Workshop in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee.  By that Friday, we were booked and ready to go.  I was so looking forward to the workshop.  I wasn’t sure what it would all be about, but I just knew that I was really excited to go.  I think at the time, I had been thinking about how I needed to strengthen my relationship with the Lord.  So, here was an opportunity to do that while following my passion for photography.  Little did I know how life changing this workshop would be or how much I would need this workshop by the time it rolled around.

Before writing about the workshop itself, I must back up for a little background.  About a week after booking the For the Love Workshop, I found out I was pregnant.  And oh how excited we were.  We had been talking about adding to our family, but now that it was becoming a reality we just couldn’t wait for August to get here.  But then on January 11^th, I went in for my regular OB checkup and we found out that there was no heartbeat.  We were devastated.  Even at 11 weeks, the hopes and dreams you have for that baby are so real.  I loved that baby so much already and I had to let him go.  It broke my heart.  But I maintained that we had prayed for a healthy baby, and this was not going to be a healthy baby.  So, God did answer our prayers.

Following the miscarriage and prior to attending the workshop, I told my husband that I felt like God was planning something big for me.  I wasn’t sure what it was, but I just knew that He was going to use me.  And I was ready for it.  I wanted to be a light for Him in a dark world.  There had been several things happening in my life that had significant impact on me and I just knew that He was prepping me.  I often say that I shouldn’t be, but I am continually amazed at the people and things He puts in my path to share things with me.  (One of those people was Natalie Norton.  I have never met her and have only spoke with her once on email, but I don’t know if she will ever know how much her words blessed my life.  Her faith is awe-inspiring.  Please visit her site.  I promise you will not leave unchanged.)

So, fast forward two weeks to the workshop.  Again, I didn’t really know what to expect, but I was excited.  I looked back and thought, God sure knew what He was doing when He put this workshop in my path before I even knew that I was pregnant.  He knew that I would need this at this point in my journey.  And I was so grateful for the chance to get away and just ‘be still’.  We all arrived on Monday and it was evident that the group was clicking already.  Then it was time for worship on Monday evening.  Let me tell you that this was different than any type of worship I had experienced before.  I enjoyed it, but it was certainly not what I was used to.  And little did I know that the Lord was already working on me then.  As the week progressed, worship became more and more powerful and you could definitely feel the Holy Spirit moving in the room.  It was an awesome experience.

I have never been one to say that the Lord spoke to me.  I would pray and I would notice that certain doors would open while others closed, so I felt like the Lord would lead me in certain directions.  And I would hear others talk of how they heard the Lord speak to them.  And I longed for that.  I wanted to hear the Lord speak to me.  But it never happened.  Until I went to this log cabin in Tennessee.  I heard the Lord speak to me.  And He told me that He was so sorry, that it broke His heart, too, but He had to do it.  I may never understand and fully comprehend it, but He is going to use all of this in my life.  Wow!  I was overcome with so many emotions in those moments when he spoke.  But the overwhelming emotion was relief.  The pain, the hurt, the sorrow all served a purpose.

Throughout the hardships in my life, people would always say,”You are so strong.  I don’t know how you do it and all with a smile on your face.”  And I would look at them and say, “The Lord has a reason for everything.  He chose me to go through this for a reason.  All of these things are shaping me into the person I am supposed to be.”  If I ever said this to you, I was lying through my teeth.  I didn’t realize it at the time.  But I have since learned that I didn’t really believe it.  I guess I thought if I said it enough, it would make it true.  But the truth is that at night, I would cry and I would feel sorry for myself and I would question God and then I would hate myself for doing that.  After all, He had blessed me with so much.  How could I question Him?  But seriously?!?  I had cancer, I lost my home to a hurricane, I bought another home (without seeking God) that turned into a disaster, my husband lost his job, and I had a miscarriage.  How much was I supposed to endure?  But now, after God spoke to me.  I truly have peace about all of these things.  I am truly blessed.  And now I feel confident that I am going to be a tool for the Lord and He is really going to use these things so I can minister to others who might be going through the same things. 

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me:  because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound.  To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn.  To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.”  Isaiah 61:1-3

Thanks for sticking with me through this lengthy post.  I hope it was a blessing to you.  Now, for your reward, a few pictures from my trip.

Blessed beyond measure for the friendships I developed while there…

Clary, Christina, Maria, Jason, Chris, Kelly, Andrea, Leslie, Jenny, Chelsea, Megan, Kimberly, Sharon, Alison H., Glendon, Kasey, Rebekah, LaRae, Allison B, Allison D, Ginny, Lauren, and Erik